Monday, 2 July 2018

Dear Jonathan.


Dear Jonathan,

I will never forget the look on your face when you walked into the bathroom that evening. The toilet already covered in blood but you somehow held it together and called an ambulance. You spent 45 minutes calmly talking to the lady and updating her. You arranged someone to sit with Violet and kept your cool, despite being terrified. You continued to try and make me smile, even when being rushed to hospital in the ambulance - both of us knowing this wasn't going to have a happy ending.

I will never forget waking up after surgery and seeing the relief on your face but also the fear, knowing what I was about to be told. You stayed with me every step of the way and I will be forever thankful that I was never alone in this.

You somehow organised child care for V, when I couldn't even string a sentence together. You made sure Jonah was always with you or with me. You got our families here and made sure everyone knew what had happened so I wouldn't be overwhelmed. Despite our world falling apart, you still managed to keep this family unit together. 

Thank you for holding me at 4am, when I just couldn't sleep or hold it together anymore. Thank you for always wiping my tears and thank you for giving me the space I need to grieve. Thank you for just knowing when I'm having a bad day, even without me saying a word. Thank you for crying with me and for not being afraid to talk about our baby boy with anyone that will listen. But most of all, thank you for loving me even though I am no longer the person I was when we met. 

This wasn't the life we had planned but it is our life. You are my rock, my soul mate and my best friend. You are the most incredible Daddy to Violet and to Jonah. And I know that you would do anything to make this better. 

I love you always and forever,

Katie xx


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